Another Meaningless Day

What am I doing? Why is it important? The answers to both of these questions I don’t know. I find it amazing how easily someone can lose their mind when they realize they have nothing to live for. Am I the first? Unlikely: have people done stupider and more questionable things? Without a doubt: Here I am sitting in front of my computer typing this dribble as my night gets dull, boring and meaningless. A huge sigh comes out of the mouth of my fat, balding, unemployed, worthless, hopeless, sad, weird puss bag self. Where can I go from here? I do not know; I have friends (three by my count) I rarely see anymore and have grown more closed, private, and depressed since late November. These people who have found happiness in their lives don’t want to hear about my problems. I choose to not say anything about myself and spare them the negativity. I am a cardboard cutout dwindling in the background on the set of “Life”.
Demoting myself from a college graduate who has potential of being a promising performer has relocated from Chicago to Elgin. All the progress and plans I have made were for shit. Now I sit at home withering away like a rotten piece of fruit and losing the knowledge from the last five years of college I need to make it in the big city. I have lost a major battle and a recovery is nowhere in the making. Tom Petty was wrong when he said “I won’t back down” because I have now that I lost all of my advisers who keep me strong. Times like these make you wonder if you are allowed to exist in a world where people don’t want you around.
I am in terrible pain and sick. Not very ill but sick to a point where I know something isn’t right. Pointless it is to talk to somebody about your problems because all they would want to do is walk away because they have better things to do. Comforting a loser like me cuts into people’s time where they can be doing something better. Hey wait a minute did I already say that? Yeah I did. Shit! Now I am running out of things to say. Running out of gas and my tank is on E and without a gas station in sight I am going to breakdown. How do blogger's do this every day? Man I really lack something to be writing psycho babble and nowhere am I close in making a point. Well tomorrow is another day with new and endless possibilities. Well if that’s what you call it, I feel sorry for you.